It's a Journey

My life moves at a slow pace.  Well, the daily part of my life can sometimes move a bit too quickly, but the journey of my life simply moves along at a regular pace.  

When I got married at barely nineteen, an (older and experienced) friend told me that I would not be able to "have it all".  I wouldn't be able to pursue my dreams while having a family.  Did I believe her?  Of course not!  I was very young and very naive.  But, having a family was a dream too - so to me, I was making perfect sense.

As both babies came along, as so did the bills, time ran short and college fell by the wayside.  Dreams?  What dreams?  I had beautiful babies and a good husband and warm home.  The dreams would have to wait.  

I started planning for the next phase of my life, when the kids were old enough for me to go back to school and launch a career.  Halfway there, the multiple sclerosis kicked in.  I had to quit my day job because of fatigue.  I started teleworking at a new job, learned new skills, met new people, all the while still considering it just a job.

I tried to go to school online.  The multiple sclerosis got in the way.  I had to quit.  A year later I started my blogs and declared that I was on my way to becoming a writer - my dream.  My first dream, though - from way back 20 years ago - was to become a pastor.  The writing was a by product of not being able to physically become a pastor. 

What is the result of all of this delay and plodding along in my life?  Well, I have decided to organize my dreams and figure out what my journey really is.

1.  My family - not only a dream but also my first responsibility.  All else falls by the wayside as needed until my kids are launched.  After that, my husband will always take priority over everything else.

2.  My caregiving activities - No, I'll never be a pastor.  But I can still crochet, I can still write notes, and I can still bake cookies and meals.  The bonus is that I'll always be able to pray - even if the rest of my body fails!  At some point, I can start writing about caregiving in this mess of a world.

3.  My writing - I see this more as a journey than a destination.  I do not see myself putting words on paper (or screen) just because words exist.  My dream isn't becoming a writer - really (a new realization!).  My goal and responsibility in life is to believe in God and to be God's Hands.  My first two dreams are my real dreams.  My writing is a tool to share my experiences with others and to inspire them to be God's Hands.

I have hammered (yes, hammered!) into my kids' heads - and my husband's too - that we all have a responsibility to make the world a better place.  Just because I love to crochet, I love to bake, and I love to write - doesn't make any of them the end goal.

Crocheting, baking and writing are tools to help me to make the world a better place and to share God's love.